I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
