I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
