I'm eating all of the evidence.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
