i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
