One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
