Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
