My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
