Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
