so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
