woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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