She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
