So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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