dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
