The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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