your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
