I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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