In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
