why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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