Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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