wat bout pragnant strippers??
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
