I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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