Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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