and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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