just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
