my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
