I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
