Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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