shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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