Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize