At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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