just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
