Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
