i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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