Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
