i was born a porn star she said
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
