im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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