its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
