omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
