So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
