Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
