3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
