Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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