Kiss
Puke
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
