haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
