I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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