Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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