Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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