maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I FOUND THE LEGS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
