i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
