he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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