Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this just has baby written all over it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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