Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bring me that man meat
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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