Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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