I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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