what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
